You have gone off him after having a baby?!.. Some advice on how to keep the relationship healthy after the birth!


 

birth

 

So, I hear so many cases where women go off their husbands after they have just given birth and there are some normal and natural reasons for this.

This is what the NHS website says about it

Symptoms of postnatal depression

Postnatal depression can affect women in different ways. It can start at any point in the first year after giving birth and may develop suddenly or gradually.

Many women feel a bit down, tearful or anxious in the first week after giving birth. This is often called the “baby blues” and is so common that it’s considered normal. The “baby blues” don’t last for more than two weeks after giving birth.

If your symptoms last longer or start later, you could have postnatal depression.

Common symptoms of postnatal depression

The main symptoms include:

  • a persistent feeling of sadness and low mood
  • loss of interest in the world around you and no longer enjoying things that used to give you pleasure
  • lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
  • trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day
  • feeling that you’re unable to look after your baby
  • problems concentrating and making decisions
  • loss of appetite or an increased appetite (comfort eating)
  • feeling agitated, irritable or very apathetic (you “can’t be bothered”)
  • feelings of guilt, hopelessness and self-blame
  • difficulty bonding with your baby with a feeling of indifference and no sense of enjoyment in his or her company
  • frightening thoughts – for example, about hurting your baby; these can be scary, but they’re very rarely acted upon
  • thinking about suicide and self-harm

Maybe your were never really that into him and its just an excuse

Many women decided before having the baby that they were not that into him really anyway and after the baby the reality comes to life! Perhaps this has happened to you?

How some women felt after giving birth

I don’t even want to put this into words, because then it’ll be real. But I need some advice.

I still love my husband, but I’m starting to question whether I’m in love with him any more. Our baby is 17 weeks old, so obviously the dynamics of the relationship have changed dramatically, and I’m hoping that it’s just that, and we’ll get some spark back. Has anyone else found they felt this way after their baby was born?
We have only had sex a few times since baby arrived, and I have to admit that I was just going through the motions for his sake. I’m not sure if it’s because of changes to my body, or if I don’t fancy him any more, or if it’s a combination. I’m not sure if I should tell him I feel like this, especially if it’s just a normal phase, because it’ll really hurt him – or worse, I’ll find out he’s having the same thoughts.
I don’t think i want to leave him, but I have to confess I’ve been fantasising about just that….

My feelings towards the baby have also changed in the last few days. This is awful to think, never mind say, but he’s really getting on my nerves. He’s whiny, he constantly wants me to entertain him, and he’s taken to punching me too! Even his gorgeous little smile doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore.

What is going on in my head??!!!! Is it normal to feel like this, and will it pass???!!!

What can you do to keep the relationship alive

  • Start spending quality time together I think eating dinner together it’s a great and important time in each day when you talk about how the day was it’s quality time
  • Travel together perhaps drop him off to the station once or twice a week so you can talk together a bit more
  • Get the helpers to babysit when you are ready to and have day lunch dates even go for a swim together for an hour
  • Tell him or her how much they mean to you try and make your partner feel positive when you spend time together
  • Get a family day out trip booked to the national trust or something you can all enjoy together
  • Feel good about yourself exercise and start to get back into shape after the baby

 

XOXO DD

 

 

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How to get a second date! A quick guide to winning a first date!


Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date

1)  Looks

Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women

And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.

Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort  men will find it attractive if you  look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.

Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!

Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!

Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)

2) Good Time Keeping

When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.

3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!

4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness

5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!

6)Huffington post says …

A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.

listen

7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!

8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!

9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them.  Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !

DD XOXOX

 

Signs that show you’re in a committed relationship


love-issues

The Daily Mail  newspaper says..

Planning a holiday, driving each others’ cars and having a key to your partner’s flat are all signs a relationship has got serious, a new survey reveals.

Researchers quizzed 2,000 people to reveal the top 50 things which indicate a couple are past the ‘seeing each other’ phase.

Posting a ‘loved-up’ photo on Facebook, changing your status to ‘in a relationship’ and being introduced to wider friendships circles also show couples are the ‘real deal.’

It’s also proven that the girls are happy to go out without makeup on and dressing up is also no longer such a big deal as you have started to feel more comfortable and relaxed. The guy has started to like you as a whole and is less focused on your physical appearance. However not to say you should let yourself go now but you should be more relaxed.

Around the six month to one year mark you should be talking about moving in together so that you get to know each other properly. Some people say bound on religious purposes that they only want to move in together once they are married. Well this is a serious risk as you really only know someone once you get married to start off with.

Meeting your partner’s parents and friends is also important as you become more serious with each other and becoming the other person’s plus one on invites and christmas events and cards.

The study also shows two in 10 people knew their current relationship was serious after they planned a holiday together, while 43 per cent said the words ‘I love you’ and the same percentage discussed moving in together.

Indeed two-thirds of people polled and in a relationship claimed they felt their first holiday together was a real milestone and demonstrated how committed they were to each other.

Someone I know said his mortgage means more than a marriage and kids he is well committed now that they have a house together. I would say that this is not very romantic but that is how some people see commitment these days. What do you think?

Another wise friend said to me commitment is when you put your partner before yourself and yourself after your partner then you know you are committed.

It’s obvious that commitment means something different to each couple and individual, it is very important that you have the correct level of commitment in your relationship that you feel happy with. For example if you have a mis-matched level of commitment in a relationship then this will cause big issues. If one person wants marriage and kids and the other person does not want it then this is a major mis-match.

Watch out girls after nagging a guy for ages they suddenly say they have changed their mind about something like marriage or kids I would be dubious, believe it when you see it. Many men just drag things out to keep you quiet or happy! Don’t be a victim that it becomes too late and you can no longer have the things you want. Or you are too old to move on!

Love DD XOX

Top 50 signs your relationship is serious!


serious

The top 50 signs it’s serious

1. Meeting the parents

2. Exchanging house keys

3. Planning a holiday together

4. Discussing plans for the future

5. Being invited to family gatherings

6. Saying ‘I love you’

7. Staying overnight at each other’s houses

8. Signing Christmas / Birthday cards together

9. Seeing each other at least every other night

10. Leaving a toothbrush at each other’s house

11. You tell each other absolutely everything

12. Letting them take care of you when sick

13. Being introduced to wider friendships circles

14. Discussing how many children you might want in the future

15. Buying a dog or cat together

16. Driving each other’s cars

17. Inviting them to a wedding as a date

18. Divulging salary details

19. Letting them know your pin number

20. Discussing holidays

21. Having a drawer at each other’s house

22. When you HYPOTHETICALLY talk about IF you lived together

23. Inviting people round as a couple

24. Having clothes and other belongings at each other’s houses

25. First name terms with their mum and dad

26. Talking about intimate health issues

27. Farting in front of each other

28. Inviting them out with your friends / family

29. Receiving cards or gifts addressed to both of you

30. When you know what each other’s plans are for every single day

31. Showering together

32. Changing Facebook status to ‘in a relationship’

33. You know each other’s passwords

34. Wearing pyjamas when you get home from work

35. You share secrets about friends with each other

36. Always being the ‘plus one’ on invites

37. Getting food in your big shop just for them

38. You start watching TV shows they like

39. Phoning each other at work

40. Stop putting make up on to look gloriously fresh before they wake up

41. When they start asking for your opinion on stuff

42. Going out with friends or family without the partner being there

43. Signing off ‘love’ in a card

44. You start listening to music they like

45. You stop seeing people you know they don’t like

46. Putting a photo of the two of you on Facebook

47. Sending good morning / goodnight texts

48. Having a pet name for each other

49. Telling each other how many sexual partners you’ve had

50. When all their friends add you on Facebook

 

 

She is just after his money not love!


gold-digger

So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.

So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.

Here are the tell tell signs up front!

1.She never pays for dinner

So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.

2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts

She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.

3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work

The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school.  Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.

4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants

She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!

5. You just have that feeling ..

You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.

6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money

She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.

Get the courage to see through the gold digger!

17 online dates Date Two! POF Plenty of FIsh.com


Thanks to my friend who tried 17 online dating sites and 17 dates! She did not want to be named!

So it’s becoming much easier to meet new people now I have tried on-line dating for the second time. We start to go through the same route; message a little, then send some text messages and we meet ( it’s all becoming more normal)

Second site and its Plenty Of Fish .. This site looks cheap like its been knocked up in the garage by some kid on a weekend. However its easy to use and more importantly its FREE! I think that this was the first free site that started up and it became much bigger than expected.

First Impressions of POF

  • It’s easy to use and user-friendly but looks cheap and I think it attracts stranger people than Match
  • Its seems less sophisticated than Match.com and really has an edge of desperation
  • However I managed to get a date so lets see what happens next

The Date

I managed to get a date with a surgeon who told me he liked cake, when we met up he seemed nice he had a flashy car and was good on paper so far… so good… Immediately after talking for a while I found out he was moving to Manchester soon so why did he want to date me in London. Anyway we had a drink and there was no spark! I hate to say it but so far the Match.com date was better even though he was not my ideal man! This site seemed to attract a different class of male yet was Free! This was not for me TW – Time wasters

Next!

Get over it! .. How hard is it to get over someone? …..


Breaking up with someone can be hard but if you are no longer in love with a person how can it still be so hard to get over them!?

  • You find yourself sad as you miss the person as a friend even if you don’t love them anymore
  • You are mourning the loss of the loss of the actual relationship perhaps and not that person
  • You now find yourself walking alone and seeing people in couples makes you feel sad
  • They got over you so fast and that leaves you feeling lost, even though you don’t even like them
  • He is just not that into you – you miss the loss to your ego!

How can they just get over you?

  • People just change and you now no longer fit into their life they actually de- BFF you and forgot you
  • They just don’t care anymore you are no longer a part of their life
  • What makes you think that they should care like you do?
  • You are bad for them and they just don’t want something bad for them in their life any more
  • Love turns into dust so fast

How can you except this and move on!?

  • Don’t expect that people react in the same way – not one answer is applicable for everyone
  • Acceptance that you are not important to them – accept they forgot about you
  • Put your ego behind you and focus on the future
  • why?! maybe there is no reason it’s really simple they moved so maybe its time you do too