We talked allot about how to meet new people and how to get past the first date but we have not covered breaking up. Breaking up is the most horrible topic to discuss as it’s depressing and has a sad stigma attached to it.
In any relationship, there are good days and there are bad days. For instance, you might want to do something that your partner is completely opposed to, or she might want to go shopping for the apartment when all you want to do is stay at home and relax with the game or a movie. This is part and parcel of being one half of a couple.
However it’s not all bad many good things come out of breaking up with someone you never know who is around the corner and how your life will turn around years down the line.
Positives takeaways from a breakup
- You can try things on your own that you never thought you could ever do before you were on your own – I remember my dad telling me to enjoy the time on my own while I can – I decided to travel to the countries I wanted to go to, to try the things he never wanted to do with me and well to go out and party as I wanted to!
- You feel a weight has been lifted once you are out of the situation as hard as it is you can finally focus on your own future
- Being on your own you can spread out in the bed in a star shape and enjoy the freedom of your own bed
- Its a fresh start go and get a new look and cut all your hair off if you really want to
- Come home at whatever time you want to nobody will ask you where you are and what time you will get home
What are the first signs that there is a problem
Askmen says …
When you first got together with your other half, you couldn’t stop contacting each other. Whether it was on the phone, via text messaging or using e-mail and other online messenger systems, speaking to each other almost every hour was the norm. Now, however, you can’t even be bothered to text her, let alone call. On top of this, you’ve deliberately started to ignore her attempts to contact you. Caller ID has never been so useful and a breakup has never been more imminent.
One of the most natural and exciting parts of being involved with someone is planning the future together. You’re perfectly content to plan for the holidays, dream about where you want to make your home, and ponder possible names for your kids because it gives you a feeling of safety. These thoughts of the future perpetuate the sentiment that the two of you will always be a loving couple that grows old together.
I think if you are doubting your relationship its normal but if you stop loving a person its really the end of the road
Be brave and positive and nothing can you that badly
How to breakup
- Have a face to face conversation over dinner if you are scared that the person may go mental best to be in a public and safe place ( perhaps move your stuff out secretly before telling them
- If it’s mutual you can get a coffee and a walk – walking and talking by the river or water is a relaxing way to do it
- Parting on a good note is always the best way revenge and stuff like that will stay with you for a lifetime so try and part on good terms
- Do it over text if you are a coward but I think this is spineless
- Stay friends! This is the best advice!
What should you do after the breakup
- Stay with family or friends be calm don’t drink alcohol it will depress you more
- Exercise and keep fit and healthy
- Try not to contact your partner for a good few weeks while the dust settles
- Good luck with the new start I am excited for you and know you will meet the correct person for you
- Now get back to dating and stay focused on meeting the best person when you are ready!
Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date
Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women
And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.
Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort men will find it attractive if you look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.
Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!
Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!
Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)
2) Good Time Keeping
When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.
3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!
4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness
5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!
6)Huffington post says …
A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.
7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!
8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!
9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them. Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !
So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.
So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.
Here are the tell tell signs up front!
1.She never pays for dinner
So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.
2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts
She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.
3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work
The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school. Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.
4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants
She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!
5. You just have that feeling ..
You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.
6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money
She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.
Get the courage to see through the gold digger!
Its hard not to be on the rebound months or even years after a relationship and I say this with caution. It’s all about comparing the new person with the last person and really accepting that no person is perfect. You will find one thing that is certain and that is the fact that is that people are different and their qualities are different.
Its hard not to compare people with each other because this is how the human brain works and its natural to do this. Accepting the choices you made and the reasons why you made them is really important as you know that the one you picked it deep down the best one for you.
Forgetting the past is hard and its easy for girlfriends to tell you just get over him he was a *&%&^… well the bad news is that it’s a long journey to truly move on and if anyone disagrees then they never had anything to lose. It’s difficult as you lose a friend or perhaps a fatherly figure. If you wonder why it still hurts be honest with yourself and move on when you are ready.
My best advise to you is learning to forget the past is not always the best way but learning from it is much better and understanding why you liked that person will help you to move on!
Thanks to my friend who tried 17 online dating sites and 17 dates! She did not want to be named!
So it’s becoming much easier to meet new people now I have tried on-line dating for the second time. We start to go through the same route; message a little, then send some text messages and we meet ( it’s all becoming more normal)
Second site and its Plenty Of Fish .. This site looks cheap like its been knocked up in the garage by some kid on a weekend. However its easy to use and more importantly its FREE! I think that this was the first free site that started up and it became much bigger than expected.
First Impressions of POF
- It’s easy to use and user-friendly but looks cheap and I think it attracts stranger people than Match
- Its seems less sophisticated than Match.com and really has an edge of desperation
- However I managed to get a date so lets see what happens next
I managed to get a date with a surgeon who told me he liked cake, when we met up he seemed nice he had a flashy car and was good on paper so far… so good… Immediately after talking for a while I found out he was moving to Manchester soon so why did he want to date me in London. Anyway we had a drink and there was no spark! I hate to say it but so far the Match.com date was better even though he was not my ideal man! This site seemed to attract a different class of male yet was Free! This was not for me TW – Time wasters
How to ensure you push them away in one date
1) Becoming too pushy and keen for the first three months is a massive no no! Look, even if the guy is a saint he will not be keen if you are way too keen! Even if guys tell you this is not true I do believe that the only way to get them eating out of the palm of your hand is to stay COOL!
2) What does it mean to be cool?! Being cool means not sending texts to him every day, it means being busy and it’s just being unavailable now and again!
3) Start to talk about being in a relationship on the first five dates – no!!!!!!
4) You only let him pay for the first and second dinner and you never offer to go half
5) You eat with your mouth full, lick your fingers after dinner or spit on him over dinner ( big no no!)
6) Key lines to try to avoid – Where do you see yourself in the future? What was your longest relationship?
Do you want kinds? Is your mum mad? Are you into religion? Do you want to get married?
7) Do not sleep with them on the 1st – 6th dates