You have gone off him after having a baby?!.. Some advice on how to keep the relationship healthy after the birth!


 

birth

 

So, I hear so many cases where women go off their husbands after they have just given birth and there are some normal and natural reasons for this.

This is what the NHS website says about it

Symptoms of postnatal depression

Postnatal depression can affect women in different ways. It can start at any point in the first year after giving birth and may develop suddenly or gradually.

Many women feel a bit down, tearful or anxious in the first week after giving birth. This is often called the “baby blues” and is so common that it’s considered normal. The “baby blues” don’t last for more than two weeks after giving birth.

If your symptoms last longer or start later, you could have postnatal depression.

Common symptoms of postnatal depression

The main symptoms include:

  • a persistent feeling of sadness and low mood
  • loss of interest in the world around you and no longer enjoying things that used to give you pleasure
  • lack of energy and feeling tired all the time
  • trouble sleeping at night and feeling sleepy during the day
  • feeling that you’re unable to look after your baby
  • problems concentrating and making decisions
  • loss of appetite or an increased appetite (comfort eating)
  • feeling agitated, irritable or very apathetic (you “can’t be bothered”)
  • feelings of guilt, hopelessness and self-blame
  • difficulty bonding with your baby with a feeling of indifference and no sense of enjoyment in his or her company
  • frightening thoughts – for example, about hurting your baby; these can be scary, but they’re very rarely acted upon
  • thinking about suicide and self-harm

Maybe your were never really that into him and its just an excuse

Many women decided before having the baby that they were not that into him really anyway and after the baby the reality comes to life! Perhaps this has happened to you?

How some women felt after giving birth

I don’t even want to put this into words, because then it’ll be real. But I need some advice.

I still love my husband, but I’m starting to question whether I’m in love with him any more. Our baby is 17 weeks old, so obviously the dynamics of the relationship have changed dramatically, and I’m hoping that it’s just that, and we’ll get some spark back. Has anyone else found they felt this way after their baby was born?
We have only had sex a few times since baby arrived, and I have to admit that I was just going through the motions for his sake. I’m not sure if it’s because of changes to my body, or if I don’t fancy him any more, or if it’s a combination. I’m not sure if I should tell him I feel like this, especially if it’s just a normal phase, because it’ll really hurt him – or worse, I’ll find out he’s having the same thoughts.
I don’t think i want to leave him, but I have to confess I’ve been fantasising about just that….

My feelings towards the baby have also changed in the last few days. This is awful to think, never mind say, but he’s really getting on my nerves. He’s whiny, he constantly wants me to entertain him, and he’s taken to punching me too! Even his gorgeous little smile doesn’t have the same effect on me anymore.

What is going on in my head??!!!! Is it normal to feel like this, and will it pass???!!!

What can you do to keep the relationship alive

  • Start spending quality time together I think eating dinner together it’s a great and important time in each day when you talk about how the day was it’s quality time
  • Travel together perhaps drop him off to the station once or twice a week so you can talk together a bit more
  • Get the helpers to babysit when you are ready to and have day lunch dates even go for a swim together for an hour
  • Tell him or her how much they mean to you try and make your partner feel positive when you spend time together
  • Get a family day out trip booked to the national trust or something you can all enjoy together
  • Feel good about yourself exercise and start to get back into shape after the baby

 

XOXO DD

 

 

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How to get a second date! A quick guide to winning a first date!


Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date

1)  Looks

Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women

And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.

Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort  men will find it attractive if you  look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.

Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!

Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!

Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)

2) Good Time Keeping

When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.

3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!

4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness

5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!

6)Huffington post says …

A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.

listen

7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!

8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!

9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them.  Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !

DD XOXOX

 

She is just after his money not love!


gold-digger

So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.

So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.

Here are the tell tell signs up front!

1.She never pays for dinner

So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.

2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts

She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.

3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work

The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school.  Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.

4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants

She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!

5. You just have that feeling ..

You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.

6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money

She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.

Get the courage to see through the gold digger!

How to let go and move on to find someone new


It’s difficult to understand why men like certain women and why they have no interest in others.
It’s difficult to understand the rules of attraction clearly and it’s one of those areas we will never really understand fully. One thing is for sure and that I’m certain about is that no matter how you look or are there is a possible match for you out there in the big wide world.

I am a strong believer is everything happening for a good reason even if we don’t realise this for a long time.
Being lonely is very difficult it’s a feeling that can absorb you and for some it takes over their life and character.
My advice to try and find someone is simple. Try these few steps and let me know how it goes.

1) Feel good about the past, let go of anything bad you hold on to from past relationships. Cleanse your soul and heart of any bad feelings, revenge or guilt from the past. Why is this important? It’s important as you cannot find love properly if you are living in the past and the likelihood of meeting the correct person is lower.

2) After cleansing your soul and heart of the past you need a review period – here you need to review where the relationship went wrong and why it failed. Why is this important? Because you need to understand how to not get into the same situation again and rather than hate the ex you can learn from him/her. For this to work you need to really evaluate where you went wrong to start with.

3) Enjoy meeting new people slowly – don’t rush into meeting someone, this is a rebound and the likelihood that it won’t work is high. Use this time to feel good about yourself – being alone for the first 1-6 months is healthy.

4) Once you meet someone ensure you like them for the correct reasons and not because you are lonely. Become friends and get the happy balance of being happy on your own and the openness to meet someone new.

5) Getting into a relationship again – make sure that you meet on a regular basis but not too often at first or it’s all about the lustfulness.

6) Become happy and satisfied with what you have – understanding that everyone has a good side and bad side!

Key to getting a date … ( How to get a date in 10 minutes)


How can you tell if someone is keen?

Well, fortunately, researchers have worked out the science of flirting, to find out what people do most often if they are attracted in another person.

And the results are in: Starting off being encouraging and complimentary, and ending by being expressive and using open palm gestures, is a sure-fire way that someone is interested.

The research was led by associate professor of communication studies Dr Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas.

His team gathered 102 heterosexual men and women – split 50:50 – who had never met before, partnered them up in conversations for 10 to 12 minutes and recorded them on video.

Afterward, subjects reported their level of attraction toward their conversation partners. Then, Dr Hall and his team reviewed the interactions – and what signs of flirtation they had shown.

For women, look for a guy who has lowered his pitch from the early part of the interaction.

But there were also some indicators of what people did when they were not interested, as well.

For example, crossing legs at any point was a clear sign that someone was not attracted in the other person in the conversation.

Touching the arm, chest, hair or so on was also a sign they were losing interest, while teasing was also something not really favoured.

TYPES OF FLIRTING (FROM MOST TO LEAST FREQUENT)

1. Being joyful (smiling and laughing)

2. Affirmation (nodding, saying yes)

3. Keeping the conversation going

4. Opening your arms

5. Disclosing personal details

6. Being expressive

7. Gazing at your partner

8. Being vocally animated

9. Speaking with a higher pitch

10. Self-touching (hair, face, body)

11. Playing with cards*

12. Leaning forward

13. Biting or licking lips

14. Asking questions

15. Shaking your head

16. Playing with objects (clothes, etc)

17. ‘Presenting’ breasts

18. Self-deprecating comment

19. Moving closer

20. Crossing legs

21. Shrugging shoulders

22. Open-palm gestures (palming)

23. Falling into your chair

24. Flirtatious glances

25. Compliments

26. Teasing

*Note: These were the conversation prompt cards used in the study

Another interesting indicator was that people who had a polite style of flirting tended to give their partner respect.

They would lean back in their chair, create a distance between then, and be more evenly toned in their speech.

He said that polite flirts thus had a hard time getting their message across, even if they were interested.

‘Knowing your own flirting style, and knowing that of other people, can tell you about their intentions and what they expect out of it,’ he said.

‘Certain types give you clues about their style and ways of communication.’

He says you want to be direct, but not too embarrassing or forward, and always be on the eye out for non-verbal indicators, such as smiling and laughing or being engaged in the conversation.

Nobody is perfect – How to get over the rebound stage!


Its hard not to be on the rebound months or even years after a relationship and I say this with caution. It’s all about comparing the new person with the last person and really accepting that no person is perfect. You will find one thing that is certain and that is the fact that is that people are different and their qualities are different.

Its hard not to compare people with each other because this is how the human brain works and its natural to do this. Accepting the choices you made and the reasons why you made them is really important as you know that the one you picked it deep down the best one for you.

Forgetting the past is hard and its easy for girlfriends to tell you just get over him he was a *&%&^… well the bad news is that it’s a long journey to truly move  on and if anyone disagrees then they never had anything to lose. It’s difficult as you lose a friend or perhaps a fatherly figure. If you wonder why it still hurts be honest with yourself and move on when you are ready.

My best advise to you is learning to forget the past is not always the best way but learning from it is much better and understanding why you liked that person will help you to move on!

Now

17 online dates Date Two! POF Plenty of FIsh.com


Thanks to my friend who tried 17 online dating sites and 17 dates! She did not want to be named!

So it’s becoming much easier to meet new people now I have tried on-line dating for the second time. We start to go through the same route; message a little, then send some text messages and we meet ( it’s all becoming more normal)

Second site and its Plenty Of Fish .. This site looks cheap like its been knocked up in the garage by some kid on a weekend. However its easy to use and more importantly its FREE! I think that this was the first free site that started up and it became much bigger than expected.

First Impressions of POF

  • It’s easy to use and user-friendly but looks cheap and I think it attracts stranger people than Match
  • Its seems less sophisticated than Match.com and really has an edge of desperation
  • However I managed to get a date so lets see what happens next

The Date

I managed to get a date with a surgeon who told me he liked cake, when we met up he seemed nice he had a flashy car and was good on paper so far… so good… Immediately after talking for a while I found out he was moving to Manchester soon so why did he want to date me in London. Anyway we had a drink and there was no spark! I hate to say it but so far the Match.com date was better even though he was not my ideal man! This site seemed to attract a different class of male yet was Free! This was not for me TW – Time wasters

Next!