We talked allot about how to meet new people and how to get past the first date but we have not covered breaking up. Breaking up is the most horrible topic to discuss as it’s depressing and has a sad stigma attached to it.
In any relationship, there are good days and there are bad days. For instance, you might want to do something that your partner is completely opposed to, or she might want to go shopping for the apartment when all you want to do is stay at home and relax with the game or a movie. This is part and parcel of being one half of a couple.
However it’s not all bad many good things come out of breaking up with someone you never know who is around the corner and how your life will turn around years down the line.
Positives takeaways from a breakup
- You can try things on your own that you never thought you could ever do before you were on your own – I remember my dad telling me to enjoy the time on my own while I can – I decided to travel to the countries I wanted to go to, to try the things he never wanted to do with me and well to go out and party as I wanted to!
- You feel a weight has been lifted once you are out of the situation as hard as it is you can finally focus on your own future
- Being on your own you can spread out in the bed in a star shape and enjoy the freedom of your own bed
- Its a fresh start go and get a new look and cut all your hair off if you really want to
- Come home at whatever time you want to nobody will ask you where you are and what time you will get home
What are the first signs that there is a problem
Askmen says …
When you first got together with your other half, you couldn’t stop contacting each other. Whether it was on the phone, via text messaging or using e-mail and other online messenger systems, speaking to each other almost every hour was the norm. Now, however, you can’t even be bothered to text her, let alone call. On top of this, you’ve deliberately started to ignore her attempts to contact you. Caller ID has never been so useful and a breakup has never been more imminent.
One of the most natural and exciting parts of being involved with someone is planning the future together. You’re perfectly content to plan for the holidays, dream about where you want to make your home, and ponder possible names for your kids because it gives you a feeling of safety. These thoughts of the future perpetuate the sentiment that the two of you will always be a loving couple that grows old together.
I think if you are doubting your relationship its normal but if you stop loving a person its really the end of the road
Be brave and positive and nothing can you that badly
How to breakup
- Have a face to face conversation over dinner if you are scared that the person may go mental best to be in a public and safe place ( perhaps move your stuff out secretly before telling them
- If it’s mutual you can get a coffee and a walk – walking and talking by the river or water is a relaxing way to do it
- Parting on a good note is always the best way revenge and stuff like that will stay with you for a lifetime so try and part on good terms
- Do it over text if you are a coward but I think this is spineless
- Stay friends! This is the best advice!
What should you do after the breakup
- Stay with family or friends be calm don’t drink alcohol it will depress you more
- Exercise and keep fit and healthy
- Try not to contact your partner for a good few weeks while the dust settles
- Good luck with the new start I am excited for you and know you will meet the correct person for you
- Now get back to dating and stay focused on meeting the best person when you are ready!
So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.
So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.
Here are the tell tell signs up front!
1.She never pays for dinner
So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.
2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts
She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.
3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work
The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school. Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.
4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants
She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!
5. You just have that feeling ..
You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.
6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money
She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.
Get the courage to see through the gold digger!
Firstly sorry its been so long since I have posted I have been on a long holiday from blogging in the hope that I will be fully refreshed and ready with some new content!
I really wanted to address my friends who are single but not because they cannot get a partner but because they are afraid to commit to take a chance and to make the leap out of singlehood.
Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti says that love has no room for obligation. “When there is love, the word ‘duty’ disappears. It is the man with no love in his heart who talks of rights and duties, and in this country duties and rights have taken the place of love. Regulations have become more important than the warmth of affection.”
Why are you afraid to commit to another person?
1.They fell out of love and it’s not their cup of tea anymore!
Have you ever heard a friend say this to you before? Perhaps they got burnt once being in love and they are actually very afraid of falling in love and becoming a victim of being heart broken again without even knowing it consciously. Quite often these kind of people become quite bitter but secretly they want to fall in love or be in love. Inevitably there is always collateral damage, intensified around that word commitment: “You said you loved me. You promised to stay.” There’s a bad guy and a good guy. Heartbreaker and heartbroken. Rarely is the split mutual, and even then, it’s bumpy as hell.
2. People who have been together a long time have to ride the good and bad times
Quite often I hear my friends say that they have fallen in and out of love a million times in the same relationship so this is evidence that you have to try and ride the relationship waves to be able to commit and have faith that things will get better.
3. Giving up is easy to do in the 21st century these days
So it feels like some women are quite happy to turn to the grass is greener side once things get a bit boring. I know a couple that were together for 6 years and married in a civil church. They were young and never considered that a real marriage. After the six years they decided to tell their parents they wanted to marry in a church and two years after they forked out 20k for a wedding. The guy was bored and on Tinder searching for the girl that matched him now. I am not judging that person as people can change but suddenly after committing he got very scared and suddenly fell in love with a girl he met on Tinder!???
4. They care what their mates think of the girl / boy
Perhaps you have met someone who is not that model you expected to settle down with then she just aint good enough! He/ she cares way too much about what their friends think about the normal girl next door.
5. People are less interesting in marriage
People are less interested in committing and marriage. It’s all changed, I see more people having babies before or without marriage these days. Have things changed? What do you think?
6. Someone who never wants change
My friend has been with her boyfriend for ten years and she desperately wants changes to happen in the relationship but nothing ever changes. He won’t commit to getting married, having kids or even living together but she has not attempted to try and make any changes. She and her good nature are being used. He is the perfect example of someone who is afraid of commitment
“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”
I think you are very naive if you think that you can live a life free of arguments and broken relationships, this is what builds you and makes you the person you are today. You are not alone if you are finding that you keep meeting the wrong type of people, the good news is that you are not alone and the last piece of good news is that you will be ok.
- Everyone has ups and downs within a relationship there will always be disagreements and perhaps even a disconnect
- There is probably always periods where one person is a little more into it than the other – one that is doing less for the other person and then balance periods
- You won’t find a perfect match you will always miss things within a person
- Its a very important part of your life and impacts how you feel emotions and feelings daily
- Some differences are important within a relationship as well as being different – its really important to have a balance
- If its good you know it and if you need to leave it you know that too – have the guts to just know it and follow through
Key Issues in relationships / people getting into them ..
- You become desperate for the relationship that you don’t consider the person well enough
- You are not a good match – you clash – you are too different or too similar ( too extravert / opposite)
- You cannot communicate one person is never keen to talk to the other person and tell them how they feel
- You settled for the person who you thought would do, not the best person for you
- You basically did everything in the wrong order, you got the kid and then got married – trust me you need time being married before having a child – otherwise it will backfire
- You never wanted the relationship enough or had to fight for the love
- You are attracted to other people at the same time – This person is not enough
- You want different things from life and the future
How can you fix it?
- Deep down you can fix anything if you work hard enough and if you really want to work for it, dependant on many other factors.. time, love, and issues
- Couples coaching is well worth doing, its amazing what a third party impartial person can do to help
- Have more space – get a hobby or take your mind of the issues – focus on you / this is important
- Every day think of something good you can do everyday / have a happy thought
- Be positive can bring a person closer
- Dont get drunk when you are in this emotional state ..
So its fantastic to be getting married and maybe shocking to most girls but not having to plan in a year is a dream come true! Wedding planning believe it or not brings out the monster and crazy person in most women, if you want to avoid this then follow a few steps and have the perfect quick wedding.
Find a unique venue that won’t take long to book
- Look into hiring a restaurant somewhere in a good location that people can get to and that will do most things for you
- Why not have a winter wedding the prices come down and most things become free – you can have the honeymoon in the sunshine
Make the invitations
- Send out virtual invitations first to confirm the date – after you confirm the venue
- After why not hand make the invitations that way you do it quickly and they are more personal
- Suggest you go to paperchase and get some handmade ideas – get stamps and post them
- Make sure you collate everyones address first!
Pick a theme
- Pick the colour and then match that with the flowers, bridesmaid dress and mens flowers
- Have small personal touches on the day favours and other delights to make it look detailed and fab!
- Great tip you can personalize stickers and stuff on the favour site http://www.thefavourfactory.co.uk/
- Why not make origami roses for the table http://www.origami-instructions.com/origami-kawasaki-rose.html
- Favour jars can be made
Get a good priced dress – its a sample place but the service and dresses are AMAZING!
- http://fairytalelondon.com/ – This is based in london and there is a real range for all women so try it!
- Be careful of using any online sites as they are scams most of them I would stick to going into a shop and trying the dress on trust me!
- If not why not get a plain on and dress it up with accessories
- Why not get live music its going to make the night perfect – Jazz band would be fab
- How about hiring a magician – look up Alex Ward he is fab!
- To top it off a balloon artist!
- Make your own photobox experience – get cameras and props ! Polaroid cameras
Getting hitched – How does it work in the UK!
- Register your marriage – you have to call up your local registry office and register – all you need to do is book the appointment two weeks before the actual wedding and the interview takes a few minutes
- You book the registry – google Mayfair library weddings for example
- You can get married in two weeks and the cost of the room is low – do it!
- You can hire live music for the actual marriage
- Get family and friends to help with the wedding – assign tasks out and invite everyone to get involved
- The dress – wait for my next article that tells you what dress suits what body!
- Make the invites
- Favours can be something small and personal – Tesco have a great site at good prices
- Get a friend to take photos – save money and natural photos are much better on the day
- Get live music
- Why not have a sit down dinner and an evening party just for drinks
- Hire a vintage bus – http://thelondonbuscompany.co.uk/
- Decorate a vintage bus for guests
Decorate the inside of the vintage wedding bus
1) They are in a mood with you
- Holding back with the intimacy can occur because they are in a mood with you clearly this is a good reason
- The argument has turned them off you!
- Flirt with him and try to make it up to him but don’t push for it sure that things will cool down
2) They want to break up!
- They want to break-up and they are holding it back so you get the message that they are not interested, so you break-up with them! Men hate having to do the deed they always try to get the female to do it first
- Confront the situation in a calm manner and don’t panic
3) He is stressed out
- Life is too stressful so he just is not in the mood – try to talk and do relaxing things together
4) He is freaked out about commitment
- He is really freaked out so back off and relax – don’t pressure him!
5) He is worried about his performance
- Tell him you have noticed things have changed – tell him how you like it and work on it together – getting this correct will take time!
Watch out for any bogus excuses!