Why won’t he ask me to marry him? How can I get him to marry me?


marry

You may be getting to the age when you feel ready for marriage or perhaps your family are putting pressure to get married. Everyone has their own reasons and objectives for marriage and some are more genuine than others.

If you have been with someone for more than three years some girls maybe thinking about having a baby soon or even think about having a baby in the hope that their partner asks them to get married.  Both things kind of go hand in hand have you noticed that many girls have the baby and then the guys ask you to marry?!

The men that have not mentioned marriage 1.5 years into the relationship are not ready or they have not found the correct person I think you should be ready by this time.  Its interesting I think anyone getting married before moving in together and before the 1.5 years is a bit too soon. However once you have lived together and get to know each other properly marriage should be a nice and natural step.

Marriage should not feel scary but you do need to be mentally prepared for it mostly men will tell you that they need to get ready to be married and that is fine and normal. Long long engagements are pointless just get on with it.

You should bring up the subject of marriage once you have lived together and are getting on well you need to know what the other person wants from life and is that in line with what you want?

If you are scared you will push them away then wait until the time feels right you can start off with asking them their views on marriage and take it from there.

How to get him to Marry you

  • Nail out any issues you have with each other and the relationship before you start to discuss the topic of marriage. Wait until you think your relationship is in a good place and start talking about the future
  • Try and keep the romance and quality you and him time going you need to be in a good place together
  • Ask questions about his views on marriage to see what he feels like about the topic and subject and express how you feel about it
  • Introduce him to your friends and family before bringing up the topic of marriage

Let me know how it goes DD XOXOX

 

 

 

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Why Are People Afraid to Commit to each other?


commitment

Firstly sorry its been so long since I have posted I have been on a long holiday from blogging in the hope that I will be fully refreshed and ready with some new content!

I really wanted to address my friends who are single but not because they cannot get a partner but because they are afraid to commit to take a chance and to make the leap out of singlehood.

Philosopher Jiddu Krishnamurti says that love has no room for obligation. “When there is love, the word ‘duty’ disappears. It is the man with no love in his heart who talks of rights and duties, and in this country duties and rights have taken the place of love. Regulations have become more important than the warmth of affection.”

Why are you afraid to commit to another person?

1.They fell out of love and it’s not their cup of tea anymore!

Have you ever heard a friend say this to you before? Perhaps they got burnt once being in love and they are actually very afraid of falling in love and becoming a victim of being heart broken again without even knowing it consciously. Quite often these kind of people become quite bitter but secretly they want to fall in love or be in love. Inevitably there is always collateral damage, intensified around that word commitment: “You said you loved me. You promised to stay.” There’s a bad guy and a good guy. Heartbreaker and heartbroken. Rarely is the split mutual, and even then, it’s bumpy as hell.

2. People who have been together a long time have to ride the good and bad times

Quite often I hear my friends say that they have fallen in and out of love a million times in the same relationship so this is evidence that you have to try and ride the relationship waves to be able to commit and have faith that things will get better.

3. Giving up is easy to do in the 21st century these days

So it feels like some women are quite happy to turn to the grass is greener side once things get a bit boring. I know a couple that were together for 6 years and married in a civil church. They were young and never considered that a real marriage. After the six years they decided to tell their parents they wanted to marry in a church and two years after they forked out 20k for a wedding. The guy was bored and on Tinder searching for the girl that matched him now. I am not judging that person as people can change but suddenly after committing he got very scared and suddenly fell in love with a girl he met on Tinder!???

4. They care what their mates think of the girl / boy

Perhaps you have met someone who is not that model you expected to settle down with then she just aint good enough! He/ she cares way too much about what their friends think about the normal girl next door.

5. People are less interesting in marriage

People are less interested in committing and marriage. It’s all changed, I see more people having babies before or without marriage these days. Have things changed? What do you think?

6. Someone who never wants change

My friend has been with her boyfriend for ten years and she desperately wants changes to happen in the relationship but nothing ever changes. He won’t commit to getting married, having kids or even living together but she has not attempted to try and make any changes. She and her good nature are being used. He is the perfect example of someone who is afraid of commitment

“You must love in such a way that the person you love feels free.”

XOX DD

 

 

 

How to mend a broken relationship? Is it possible? but how..?


DD Advice…

I think you are very naive if you think that you can live a life free of arguments and broken relationships, this is what builds you and makes you the person you are today. You are not alone if you are finding that you keep meeting the wrong type of people, the good news is that you are not alone and the last piece of good news is that you will be ok.

Relationship facts

  • Everyone has ups and downs within a relationship there will always be disagreements and perhaps even a disconnect
  • There is probably always periods where one person is a little more into it than the other – one that is doing less for the other person and then balance periods
  • You won’t find a perfect match you will always miss things within a person
  • Its a very important part of your life and impacts how you feel emotions and feelings daily
  •  Some differences are important within a relationship as well as being different – its really important to have a balance
  • If its good you know it and if you need to leave it you know that too – have the guts to just know it and follow through

Key Issues in relationships / people getting into them ..

  • You become desperate for the relationship that you don’t consider the person well enough
  • You are not a good match – you clash – you are too different or too similar ( too extravert / opposite)
  • You cannot communicate one person is never keen to talk to the other person and tell them how they feel
  • You settled for the person who you thought would do, not the best person for you
  • You basically did everything in the wrong order, you got the kid and then got married – trust me you need time being married before having a child – otherwise it will backfire
  • You never wanted the relationship enough or had to fight for the love
  • You are attracted to other people at the same time – This person is not enough
  • You want different things from life and the future

How can you fix it?

  1. Deep down you can fix anything if you work hard enough and if you really want to work for it, dependant on many other factors.. time, love, and issues
  2. Couples coaching is well worth doing, its amazing what a third party impartial person can do to help
  3. Have more space – get a hobby or take your mind of the issues – focus on you / this is important
  4. Every day think of something good you can do everyday / have a happy thought
  5. Be positive can bring a person closer
  6. Dont get drunk when you are in this emotional state ..

Five reasons why men stop wanting sex


1) They are in a mood with you 

  • Holding back with the intimacy can occur because they are in a mood with you clearly this is a good reason
  • The argument has turned them off you!
  • Flirt with him and try to make it up to him but don’t push for it sure that things will cool down

2) They want to break up! 

  • They want to break-up and they are holding it back so you get the message that they are not interested, so you break-up with them! Men hate having to do the deed they always try to get the female to do it first
  • Confront the situation in a calm manner and don’t panic

3) He is stressed out 

  • Life is too stressful so he just is not in the mood – try to talk and do relaxing things together

4) He is freaked out about commitment 

  • He is really freaked out  so back off and relax – don’t pressure him!

5) He is worried about his performance 

  • Tell him you have noticed things have changed – tell him how you like it and work on it together – getting this correct will take time!

Watch out for any bogus excuses!

 

Being tempted after you have fallen in love & falling out of the love zone


It’s a funny place to be in once you are in love and then that starts to ware off day by day, the branches start to grow in different directions, and you feel strange or that you are with someone who is no longer comparable. I hear people say that after a year and a half of being together or two years the love wares off slowly, and that is when you either survive or die ( relationship and heart that is ) … For us we are still madly in love and its been a year and eight months.. anyway back to the story!

Signs of the love changing into weeds

  • You start to look at other guys and girls and lust after them manly you want attention from others, not your partner that lust and love is no longer the same
  • You find the stability and familiarity too boring you are looking for new excitement
  • You feel like a different person, perhaps you have new friends and you are looking to explore new jobs and things
  • You don’t want to be so intimate with the person anymore – sex feels strange and awkward
  • You find other people more fun to hang out with – more than the old partner
  • Perhaps you feel you are very different now and you have grown ap
  • You start to lie to each other more
  • Want to go out to nightclubs and parties

How can you keep your relationship fresh 

  • Try to focus on why you loved the person and think of what life would be like without that person
  • what would it be like not to have that relationship and person – put things into perspective
  • Do you see a future together and why ?? there has to be a good reason
  • Ask friends and family for an honest opinion
  • Spend time with your partner being open to trying something new
  • Avoid a situation you can cheat – AVOID when you are having these thoughts!
  • Keep it fresh and go away on a holiday or weekend break together
  • Have time to think if you think it will help to miss them

The rules of a relationship in love cycles find out how it works


I have discovered that most and if not all couples love and relationship dramas go through the “cycle of love” this is down to a theory of the cycles of love years you have got together plus situations and personality

Cycle 1 – Friends Zone / start 

Zone of Confusion 

  • You are getting to know each other dating or just like each other – There is always one who is more sure than the other and one who is trying to impress the other, it’s very  unlikely that two people meet and just fall in love – every heard of the ones you like don’t like you well this is it… You are in the zone of confusion

Cycle 2 Getting to know each other 

Zone of Denial 

  • You start to find out more about the other person and there are things you don’t like you really want them to be as you imagined or wanted. You are faced with finding out more and either working out you have no chemistry or accepting the bad things – If you pass then go to cycle 3 if you not you are calling it a day

Cycle 3  Dating and building up chemistry 

Zone of Lust

  • Cycle three can be taken at any speed depending on the two people but in essence you will be lusting after each other or become better friends it can one of two ways
  • If you are in the lusting phase you are talking on the phone all day and want to rip each others clothes off – maybe trying new things and well you start to see your friends less but still have independence

Cycle 4  Dating and becoming more serious 

Zone of Consideration and introductions /data gathering 

  • You start to introduce your friends and family to your partner to gather data on them to see how suitable they are long-term for you. Normally by this phase its gone one of three ways 1) one is more keen to settle than the other 2) You are both at the same stage 3) one wants to take a step back as it got too hot. This is the real make or break phase – this should happen 6 months into the relationship.
  • Normally the guy can pull away at this stage but he will come back just show him how much you are into him! **

Cycle 5  Two become one 

Zone of Linkage Love Zone 

  • You are spending a huge amount of time together and you start to show the other person the real you without makeup on and start to fart in bed time. You start to fall in love and well love them for the good and the bad. You are on cloud 9 and yeah you are in the love zone!

Cycle 6  Head over heals .. 

Two become one 

  • Here you are seeing each other all the time and you are thinking about moving in together or taking your relationship to the next stage of commitment all the worries of pulling away have gone and you are solid – You know this person is in your future and you are on the road to being solid.
  • Friends that are single start to want to be less friendly and get s bit of the green-eyed monster!

Cycle 7  Comfort Zone  .. 

Things can become boring

  • You are serious and comfortable maybe too much so that you can lose the spark! remember date nights and working on your relationship and you will fly
  • On the other hand you grow to love the person even more and you think about weddings and babies 1 year – 1.5 years in

Cycle 8 Certain Zone 

  • You were made for each other and the relationship is made for each other !
  • Or you just decide you are no longer the same and you need to take a different path!

Should things change when you become a mother.. Entering motherhood and still having a life!


So a slightly different subject to normal becoming a mother and how do you keep your identity?

I went to my sisters  birthday party and I was shocked to see how attached these women had become to being at home, family and their whole life was this. I didn’t see them having any identity anymore, hobbies or life outside of the family and they did not trust their husbands alone with the kids.

I truly believe that family is important and that your life needs to change when you have kids, you are enjoying a different phase of your life. But I really want to know how you get the balance correct when you become a mother? I would expect you and your husband are able to go away once every six months together to work on your relationship, and seeing friends once a month is acceptable.

Think it scares me that they don’t seem to have anything other than their kids and husband to talk about over dinner… Does this happen to all of us and what can we do to get more of a balance?

What is your experience…