How to get a second date! A quick guide to winning a first date!


Your hands may be sweaty and you may blank out on conversation topics — just take a deep breath, this is only the first date. I always say to my friends keep the first date short you can and are allowed to meet the person even for just one hour long on the first date

1)  Looks

Its all about the first impression on a first date unfortunately as they say first impressions really do count when you first meet someone. Here are a few hints and tips for both men and women

And although you should never judge a book by its cover, Whitmore says people will make judgement calls about your character and personality based on your initial encounter.

Girls – Don’t look like you are trying too hard but also make enough effort  men will find it attractive if you  look effortlessly good so keep the makeup natural.

Ladies here are some examples of some effortless looks for a first date the last photo is more for an evening date but they are all sending out the correct signals to that guy you like!

Guys – You should do your hair wear a smart yet casual top and the shoes will be judged so make sure they are not looking scruffy, oh yeah and smell good!

Guys this is also a smart casual look that makes a good first impression I have included the hat and trainers look to show you can make the casual look trendy and smart ( cool)

2) Good Time Keeping

When you show up on time it highlights that you are responsible and makes a good first impression, however being early is a bit too keen remember this is not a job interview it’s a date so be on time but don’t linger around early or you may look desperate.

3) Do some research before you actually go to meet them find out what is happening in the news look into the other person’s job , hobbies and family life so that you have good substantial stuff to talk about. They may ask you what you think about x news topic and you want to look prepared!

4) Have a story in the back of your mind you can tell them make it funny and something that happened recently to warm up the conversation. It is always good to have these ready incase there are some silent moments of awkwardness

5) Offer to get a drink both people should get a drink each on the first date otherwise he / she will be telling their friends you were a bit tight trust me! I hear this all the time even if the guy is generous. Also don’t get drunk on your first date you may live to regret this even if you need some courage! NO NO!

6)Huffington post says …

A good conversation is like a tennis match. It only works when you hit the ball in the other person’s court,” Whitmore says. Try to focus more on your date and less on yourself —you’ll impress your date if you show you’re fully engaged, listen, and ask pertinent questions, she adds. This type of attentive listening builds trust and almost always guarantees a second date.

listen

7) don’t mention the Ex or getting divorced or anything negative on the first date otherwise he will think you are so not over it!

8) Focus on the positives of life not how bad your job is or how bad the weather is but be positive and happy. Remember not to be fake I hate those girls that come across too friendly or too nice be natural!

9) End the date gracefully even if you don’t want to see them again be nice and tell them the things you enjoyed with them.  Don’t mention meeting again word it like look forward to catching up soon or let’s talk soon take care !

DD XOXOX

 

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Signs that show you’re in a committed relationship


love-issues

The Daily Mail  newspaper says..

Planning a holiday, driving each others’ cars and having a key to your partner’s flat are all signs a relationship has got serious, a new survey reveals.

Researchers quizzed 2,000 people to reveal the top 50 things which indicate a couple are past the ‘seeing each other’ phase.

Posting a ‘loved-up’ photo on Facebook, changing your status to ‘in a relationship’ and being introduced to wider friendships circles also show couples are the ‘real deal.’

It’s also proven that the girls are happy to go out without makeup on and dressing up is also no longer such a big deal as you have started to feel more comfortable and relaxed. The guy has started to like you as a whole and is less focused on your physical appearance. However not to say you should let yourself go now but you should be more relaxed.

Around the six month to one year mark you should be talking about moving in together so that you get to know each other properly. Some people say bound on religious purposes that they only want to move in together once they are married. Well this is a serious risk as you really only know someone once you get married to start off with.

Meeting your partner’s parents and friends is also important as you become more serious with each other and becoming the other person’s plus one on invites and christmas events and cards.

The study also shows two in 10 people knew their current relationship was serious after they planned a holiday together, while 43 per cent said the words ‘I love you’ and the same percentage discussed moving in together.

Indeed two-thirds of people polled and in a relationship claimed they felt their first holiday together was a real milestone and demonstrated how committed they were to each other.

Someone I know said his mortgage means more than a marriage and kids he is well committed now that they have a house together. I would say that this is not very romantic but that is how some people see commitment these days. What do you think?

Another wise friend said to me commitment is when you put your partner before yourself and yourself after your partner then you know you are committed.

It’s obvious that commitment means something different to each couple and individual, it is very important that you have the correct level of commitment in your relationship that you feel happy with. For example if you have a mis-matched level of commitment in a relationship then this will cause big issues. If one person wants marriage and kids and the other person does not want it then this is a major mis-match.

Watch out girls after nagging a guy for ages they suddenly say they have changed their mind about something like marriage or kids I would be dubious, believe it when you see it. Many men just drag things out to keep you quiet or happy! Don’t be a victim that it becomes too late and you can no longer have the things you want. Or you are too old to move on!

Love DD XOX

She is just after his money not love!


gold-digger

So it’s a little controversial topic but actually happening more often than you think where the women is just into the guy based on how much money they have and not that she is interested in finding love.

So, if a woman loves you for who you are, she’ll want to spend time with you whether you’re footing the bill or not. If she can list off every meal you’ve bought her and everything you’ve purchased for the last month, but doesn’t give a damn when you invite her to a homey get-together with the fam, you may have a gold digger on your hands.

Here are the tell tell signs up front!

1.She never pays for dinner

So the first dinner I agree should be on the man this is the tradition and men get your pennies out on the first date. However if you see she never offers to take you for dinner or pay this is a clear signal that she is after your money. For some reason the dinner scenario is a very good example and test to see if she just enjoys being taken out or if she is willing to pay her way.

2. She loves going shopping but happily takes the gifts

She is always happy for you to pay for gifts even if you offer, she never says no, she just stands back and takes takes takes each time without putting her hand into her pocket. I would take this as a warning sign.

3. Children are old enough but she has made no attempt to work

The kids are old enough and spend most of their time at school and she has still made no attempt to find a part time job or bring in any money. She may have lost her confidence and is scared to work but she should get back to work once the kids are old enough to go to school.  Personally I think that you should want to get back to work or earn some money so help contribute to the family even if it’s working from home based jobs.

4. She gets in a temper if you don’t get her what she wants

She starts to get upset and angry with you if you don’t get her what she wants as far as gifts go or posh enough dinners when she is not contributing to it at all. Beggars cannot be choosers!

5. You just have that feeling ..

You just think that she likes you because of money – better to face it sooner than later before she leaves you once you have no money left?? Confront her and see how that goes if she is not after money she won’t get that upset.

6. She is willing to put up with anything for the money

She seems like the ideal woman, happy to clean, cook and be domesticated so you look past the fact that she is only doing it for money! Being unequal can cause issues so really think about this before you become involved.

Get the courage to see through the gold digger!

Changes in a relationship – break-up’s and staying together


Relationships definitely have ups and downs and at times we believe we can never make the other person happy or ever be good enough. It’s like a decision tree at this point and your relationship can take a turn in many different directions. You have to really be honest with yourself and each other to get through this difficult period and to unwind any unresolved issues.
Why did this happen?
If you feel your relationship is heading in a different direction and things are not like they use to be then there is a reason for this. Perhaps your partner has stopped giving you attention perhaps they started to put their job first. Something that happened over time and you are even in denial over this. You may start to look back at the relationship and compare how it was in the past. If you have been together for a while perhaps with time you both changed as person.
What are the impacts?
Ok, partners could start to look around at other people to try and get attention, this makes you feel more confident and loved. You decide to avoid the person and you may become snappy everything they say annoys you it’s like a buzzing Nat in your ear. You could start to slowly divorce yourself of the relationship and even compare your partner with a past relationship. You feel like things have changed so much you start to feel emotional, insecure and unhappy.
What should you do?
You need to be honest with yourself about how you are feeling before deciding anything. You should judge the relationship over its lifetime and not just in parts, your partner deserves to be reviewed with the good bits and bad bits. You should try to imagine life without them and to think about how this would impact you both. Communication and time are the best cures in this situation in my personal opinion. Being honest with your partner can save the relationship. Take time away together and spend quality time together before rushing to a conclusion.
Is it too late?
I’m a strong believer in the fact that the grass is not always greener, everyone has good points and bad points. Also everything does happen for a reason when it’s the end it’s happened because two people ended it really. As they say if the fights worth fighting then make sure you fight well as finding love is one of the greatest things and most valuable things in life.
Breaking up …
Staying together …
 
Both take time and hard work but I know my readers are smart so be strong and I wish you all the best xx

How to let go and move on to find someone new


It’s difficult to understand why men like certain women and why they have no interest in others.
It’s difficult to understand the rules of attraction clearly and it’s one of those areas we will never really understand fully. One thing is for sure and that I’m certain about is that no matter how you look or are there is a possible match for you out there in the big wide world.

I am a strong believer is everything happening for a good reason even if we don’t realise this for a long time.
Being lonely is very difficult it’s a feeling that can absorb you and for some it takes over their life and character.
My advice to try and find someone is simple. Try these few steps and let me know how it goes.

1) Feel good about the past, let go of anything bad you hold on to from past relationships. Cleanse your soul and heart of any bad feelings, revenge or guilt from the past. Why is this important? It’s important as you cannot find love properly if you are living in the past and the likelihood of meeting the correct person is lower.

2) After cleansing your soul and heart of the past you need a review period – here you need to review where the relationship went wrong and why it failed. Why is this important? Because you need to understand how to not get into the same situation again and rather than hate the ex you can learn from him/her. For this to work you need to really evaluate where you went wrong to start with.

3) Enjoy meeting new people slowly – don’t rush into meeting someone, this is a rebound and the likelihood that it won’t work is high. Use this time to feel good about yourself – being alone for the first 1-6 months is healthy.

4) Once you meet someone ensure you like them for the correct reasons and not because you are lonely. Become friends and get the happy balance of being happy on your own and the openness to meet someone new.

5) Getting into a relationship again – make sure that you meet on a regular basis but not too often at first or it’s all about the lustfulness.

6) Become happy and satisfied with what you have – understanding that everyone has a good side and bad side!

Key to getting a date … ( How to get a date in 10 minutes)


How can you tell if someone is keen?

Well, fortunately, researchers have worked out the science of flirting, to find out what people do most often if they are attracted in another person.

And the results are in: Starting off being encouraging and complimentary, and ending by being expressive and using open palm gestures, is a sure-fire way that someone is interested.

The research was led by associate professor of communication studies Dr Jeffrey Hall from the University of Kansas.

His team gathered 102 heterosexual men and women – split 50:50 – who had never met before, partnered them up in conversations for 10 to 12 minutes and recorded them on video.

Afterward, subjects reported their level of attraction toward their conversation partners. Then, Dr Hall and his team reviewed the interactions – and what signs of flirtation they had shown.

For women, look for a guy who has lowered his pitch from the early part of the interaction.

But there were also some indicators of what people did when they were not interested, as well.

For example, crossing legs at any point was a clear sign that someone was not attracted in the other person in the conversation.

Touching the arm, chest, hair or so on was also a sign they were losing interest, while teasing was also something not really favoured.

TYPES OF FLIRTING (FROM MOST TO LEAST FREQUENT)

1. Being joyful (smiling and laughing)

2. Affirmation (nodding, saying yes)

3. Keeping the conversation going

4. Opening your arms

5. Disclosing personal details

6. Being expressive

7. Gazing at your partner

8. Being vocally animated

9. Speaking with a higher pitch

10. Self-touching (hair, face, body)

11. Playing with cards*

12. Leaning forward

13. Biting or licking lips

14. Asking questions

15. Shaking your head

16. Playing with objects (clothes, etc)

17. ‘Presenting’ breasts

18. Self-deprecating comment

19. Moving closer

20. Crossing legs

21. Shrugging shoulders

22. Open-palm gestures (palming)

23. Falling into your chair

24. Flirtatious glances

25. Compliments

26. Teasing

*Note: These were the conversation prompt cards used in the study

Another interesting indicator was that people who had a polite style of flirting tended to give their partner respect.

They would lean back in their chair, create a distance between then, and be more evenly toned in their speech.

He said that polite flirts thus had a hard time getting their message across, even if they were interested.

‘Knowing your own flirting style, and knowing that of other people, can tell you about their intentions and what they expect out of it,’ he said.

‘Certain types give you clues about their style and ways of communication.’

He says you want to be direct, but not too embarrassing or forward, and always be on the eye out for non-verbal indicators, such as smiling and laughing or being engaged in the conversation.

We don’t have chemistry…


Chemistry has a purpose. It’s not random; it’s not a fluke. There’s essential information in the attraction that occurs between two people.

It’s important for us to know what chemistry is so we can use it to feel more love in our lives. Without understanding that there’s a secret order to love, we feel out of control. And no one likes that.

Don’t worry, you’re not out of control. You’re just in love. And there’s a reason you feel a strong chemical attraction towards the people you do. That’s what I’m going to discuss today.

I often hear people talk about chemistry as if it’s a bad thing. Like we should be wary of the people we’re attracted to the most. And I understand why this is a common warning: Because these people tend to bring our issues to the surface.

It’s true that strong attraction makes for a wild ride in love. But the question is: Is this really a bad thing?

Some people will say yes. Sure, if you want life to be easy then the path of strong attraction isn’t for you (Side note: Is there an easy path? I’m still trying to figure that one out). Of course, we all want love to be uncomplicated. But we are complicated! So why would our relationships be anything less?

From a spiritual perspective, love is supposed to be a wild ride. This doesn’t mean that we stick around in relationships that are abusive or feel horrible to be in. But it does mean we recognize that love will provoke us to grow into fuller versions of ourselves. And this isn’t easy!

Feelings such as of insecurity, doubt, fear, jealousy, judgement, and contempt (all ego feelings) will appear with the people we desire most. Because of this, many of us categorize these highly attractive relationships as “bad” or “unhealthy.” Spiritually speaking, however, these relationships are doing what they’re supposed to do — they’re provoking your ego to surface so you can transform it.

When we remember that relationships are meant to teach us growth, we approach the “bad” very differently. We know that there is a lesson in every challenge — that lesson is to regain a connection to love.

Lessons of love take on many different forms. Sometimes reconnecting with love means leaving the relationship. Sometimes reconnecting with love means sticking around and working through the challenges. Sometimes the lesson is learning to forgive your partner. Sometimes the lesson is learning to forgive yourself.

Yes, we all want peace in relationships; they’re supposed to be blissful and loving. And when they aren’t, we know we’ve fallen off the path of love and we have to get back on track. This is how we grow.

Don’t bypass or downplay the chemistry you feel; remember that it exists for a reason. The people you’re most attracted to are your greatest teachers in love. Show up for the lessons they have for you.